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I probably don’t need to tell you this, but there’s a lot of shitty dating advice out there.Plenty of women’s magazines and websites (like, admittedly, the one you’re on right now) make their nut doling out anecdotes and tips that single women in desperate need of a clue will cling to.During my single heydey, I’d Google myself into a tizzy, trying to piece together the right set of tips to make myself appear carefree, cool, and sexy — the type of woman any man would want to wife up (ugh).When my relationships eventually faltered, I’d spend hours online trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.It’s something that so many people do — whether they’re in a relationship or not — and my guess is that it might have something to do with a need to feel in control.When things go badly in our relationships, it’s easy to feel out of whack and want to make sense of it all.
If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical relationship, rethink the relationship. If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, don’t do it. Don’t push a date to do anything that makes him/her feel uncomfortable.
Some practiced daters have a standard letter they send to every single person they find even mildly attractive.
Someone who truly wants to get to know you will take the time to write a personalized message responding to specific items in your profile, not send a generic cut-and-paste letter saying, “Hey girl, I saw your profile and was intrigued …” Think about the hundreds of other people who’ve gotten the same letter, and decide whether you’re willing to accept only the barest minimum of effort.
It’s Not You is where I write to calm the voices in my head — and hear from all of you.
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